Silencing the Sideliners, Sycophants, and Surrogates
Salutations! Someone says, saturnine’s submerged in subterfuge, surreptitiously silent. Stuff that! You sing, “He’s shot down, shown out, that sacrilegious simpleton! Sic him!” Simple simians! Short on sight, your supplementary smarm spent, I spit on your simpering similes! Separate the slinging of mud, the unsightly spat that sears the ABC from the spick-and-span ABA, spotless and sinless in sobriquet and skill!
Stupidity soars! Satisfyingly servile, your shallow sense of substance and slurs of sexism are secondary. My statement stands! Sentence me not to a slothful and static status! Silence! Stroke not yourself senseless with sordid servings of your shameful and sleazy sweet-talk, but soften up! Stop slobbering over your selves, you sickening sapiens! Study what I am about to submit, and snicker at your superficial sharpness.
Surely, to set this off I stewed it over with my syndicate of staunch and steadfast subordinates who suggested and sanctioned this scheme. We set a stage, a span where I would be slandered for a spell, and spurred each other to simulate a sketch of staggering shock and suppressed sadness. A straightforward and self-explanatory soap that successfully swindled. Softly I swore, “Sufferin’ succotash! The saps were spoon-fed!” We shouted with satisfaction.
So as I slowly scrawl these scribbles to solemnize strife long set in satire, so do I sanctify the salient sense of the savvy jpmeyer. Smug as he simpered in his sanitary sanctuary, he smiled at the silly sarcasm, signalling in a suppressed shot that he saw with sensitivity. Was it a stretch of your supposition to speculate that it was sheer shenanigans? Seemingly. Was it a stock standard, a stale stereotype? I suppose.
Speaking as a seemingly spiteful and sinister superstar whose stature was once sullied, I smirk as I script this. Sob as you seize the societies you once snubbed, and shriek in shame! I’ll sum it up in a singular, succinct and sharp word: Suckers. Substantial sneering aside, I’ll shut the sermon for now, and save you the spiel… you may call me S.
Owen S. Happy April Fools!
P.S.: If you didn’t get it and/or fail at the English language, all the blog drama was a joke.
P.P.S.: Feel enraged, amused, vindicated, cheated, exalted, used, relieved, or any combination of the above? Feel free to leave a comment.
P.P.P.S.: Yes, I did have a nice good laugh. GIGO.
P.P.P.P.S.: A hearty thanks to everyone involved, especially those like NovaJinx, Extrange, mellow and IcyStorm who had so much faith in me. Much thanks goes to the ABC, and more importantly CJ for being the one to cast the first stone. Special mention goes out to all the attention whores and two-faced cretins of lesser intelligence who took this occasion to unwittingly bash me, and the ABC by association, doing what this Chinese proverb calls “adding oil to fire”. Best Xanatos-gambit-cum-idiot-pogrom ever.
P.P.P.P.P.S.: I got told. Twice.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S.: Other noteworthy posts include Mike’s and CCY’s.
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Please give up your mask of arrogance, my darling! We are all here for you!
GO FUCK YOURSELF
Omg, I’m mentioned in the post! Do I bear the Mark of the Beast now?
LOL! Good one!
Not funny enough. Faggot. :P
DS: BANNED. FOR REAL.
Impz:
I bet you would take days to do what I took an hour to. OMG REAL DRAMA START.
It turned out a lot better than I thought :D
Was really fun seeing the reactions of those who weren’t in on the joke.
I bought it at first and thankfully stayed quite as it was supposed be between you ass holes. DS may love you for the great girl you are but I still wish upon you a lecherous skirt flipper.
You lousy SOBs I’ll let you off this time, next time I am gutting the lot of you to grease the treads of my neighbor’s tank. Still well played give yourselves a pat on the back. Here is your Hero of Soviet Anime. Oh and fuck you all of you and your mommas. :P
Good Day.
I thought I did well in my comments on Daijoubu’s post :3
~~~~~so many s’es….
BTW, I wish you and DS the best.
Owen finally breaks his silence! XD
What a conspiracy this was, hehehe.
it was a bit sad seeing all the badmouthing crap, but oh well x__x;;; now we can all LOL! *gives Owen a bunny hug*
but oh noes! I’m supposed to be a peace loving bunny! I have to reclaim my reputation later :P
Oh wow, I sure feel trolled now.
Please don’t hang me for my ignorance. ._. Also, my apologies for jumping to conclusions without know anything at all.
Heck, I’m not really even part of the blogosphere. n.n;
I’m smiling so hard I think my face is gonna break. (I’m too sick to be laughing.)
LET’S DO THIS AGAIN NEXT YEAR! :D
Who made the Gotcha pic? Is it self-drawn or taken from somewhere somewhere
Crusader: Got it. We love you too. :D
Jen: Yeah, I’m kinda glad it’s over, if only because it’s nice to laugh at all those hilarious comments after so long.
Nagato: It’s okay, you didn’t know better!
khilly: Some picture I found off the internet. Roxas added the text.
The alliteration is staggering.
As someone in on the joke, but not a participator, I think you guys did a smashing job. :P
Does that mean you anime bloggers will finally start talking about, you know, anime again?
I have been reading your blog for a while, your posts are often well-thought, I sometimes agreed with some points in them and sometimes I didn’t. But, as far as this post is concerned, I must applaud you for the awesome work on the alliteration on the S letter. That’s a demanding work, even in my own native language that is the frogeater talk.
ABA is run by traps, story at 11.
FUCK YOUR MOE. You tsuntsun Asian bishoujo you.
I salute your Orwell header reference. Good job as they say.
Sorry if anyone was genuinely upset by this but c’mon…I haven’t been back online proper for five minutes and this is the first thing I see! I’ve never laughed so goddamned hard! lol@internet dorama.
Haha, lame. Nobody cared anyway, they were busying sending pictures of their own penises to me to win a Tenga.
Haha, almost caught but not quite. Saved again by my pseudo-newtype powers. April Fools jokes get sicker and sicker every year I swear it, but I’m smiling.
Sagacious C: No, we’re going to start blogging about cacti and clay figures after this.
N and Sheba: Thanks. It only took me the better part of an hour, since I brute-forced Thesaurus.com in my bid for speed.
Martin: You’re the first to get the reference, I think. Glad to hear you liked it. (:
tj: Yes, that must be why I now have 30 comments in this post and more hits today than I have the past month! That must be the only explanation for it.
Kaioshin Sama: I’m pleased if that’s the case, that’s what we were trying to do anyway. Just as planned.
Nowadays, April Fools jokes need to start at least a week earlier, or they fail pretty much to the obviousness of today’s date :P
This one was pretty much a success, judging from some people’s drama, even though the sheer exaggeration in most people’s entries pretty much gave it away. Not even sure if the people who believed it actually weren’t faking it either, but hey everyone had their lulz, now let’s go back to our boring everyday life.
And your delectable alliteration post is epic, Owen Satler. Hands down.
TL;DR
Why did you kick people out of the ABC????
I feel so… deceived right now.
I’m horribly late to the party, but alliteration is the best reason to speak English.